Funny Jokes

If you are looking for some really funny jokes, then you have come to the right place.Often, when looking for some funny jokes it can be overly difficult to locate them, as you may find sites stocked with thousands of jokes and riddles, however many of these won't be funny, and it could take quite a while to find what you are looking for. That is why here, in this hub, i have archived a small number of quality jokes. Feel free to post in the comments other jokes, and i may add them to my list, please bookmark this hub for later reference, enjoy!

1.

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, 'What is this Father?' The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't

know what it is.'
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement,
a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button.
The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room.
The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.. They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son.
'Go get your Mother.'

2.

A man, Bob, was out on a horse riding trip with his wife, when he suddenly realised she had fallen of her horse. This was quite a relief to him, as an hour before he thought that he'd gone deaf.

3.

Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous.

They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.

The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.

The mother sent the 8 year old in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon. The preacher, a huge man with a deep booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Do you know where God is, son?"

The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.

So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?! Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE is GOD?!"

The boy screamed & bolted from the room, ran directly home & dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time!" "GOD is missing, and they think WE did it!"

3.

A cruise on the Pacific goes all wrong, the ship sinks, and there are only 3 Survivors; Damian, Darren and Deirdre.

They manage to swim to a small island and they lived there for a couple of years doing what's natural for men and women to do. After several years of casual sex, all the time, Deirdre felt absolutely horrible about what she was doing.

It was tragic but Damian and Darren managed to get through it and, after a while, nature once more took its inevitable course.

Well, a couple more years went by and Damian and Darren began to feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing.

So they buried Deirdre.

4.

Sally was driving home from one of her business
trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly
Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.

As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped
the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like
a ride.

With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into
the car.

Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make
a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old
woman just sat silently, looking intently at
everything she saw, studying every little detail,
until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to
Sally.

'What in bag?' asked the old woman.
Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, 'It's
a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.'

The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or
two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder,
she said:

'Good trade.....'

5.

I want to die peacefully and in my sleep like my grandpa,

not screaming and crying like the passengers in his car.

6.

A pirate captain haunts the high seas, doing battle and plundering as pirates do. As he is about to engage in a battle, he calls out, "Cabin boy! Bring me my red shirt!" They enter the battle and are victorious.

A week goes by, and they spy another victim. Again, "Cabin boy! Bring my my red shirt!" This continued.. goes on for several months, and finally the cabin boy asks, "Why do you always call for your red shirt when we are about to do battle?"Replies the pirate, "That is so if I am hit, my men will not see the blood, and they will have the courage to continue." A few months later, the wily old pirate is on lookout, and finds himself surrounded by the British navy. He scrambles down, and bellows, "Cabin boy!! Bring me my brown pants!"

7.

So, a young fellow leaves collge to visit his grandpa, who lives in a primitive cabin in the woods. He lives off the land; has no utiities. His sink sports an old-fashioned water pump, and he has a wood stove.

As they are eating dinner by lantern light, and catching up on the years, the young man thinks he sees a speck of dried food on his plate, but figures it is the poor lighting and says nothing. The next morning at breakfast, he was sure he saw dried food, but still refrained from pointing it out, figuring the old man's eyesight might be failing.However, at lunch, he had quite a large bit of stuck-on food, and he finally spoke, "Grandpa, there is some dried food left on the plate from breakfast. I don't think it got washed well." The old man grunted, "They're as clean as cold water can get them. Eat your lunch!"

Again at dinner, same story. The old man snarled, "I told you at lunch, they're as clean as cold water can get them! Don't bother me about it again!" The young fellow shrugged, and tried to just eat around the spot.

Later, he decided to go out and sit on the porch. His grandfather's dog was blocking the door, and growling at him. "Grandpa, your dog won't let me by." Gramps looked up from his newspaper and called, "Coldwater, get out of the way!"

8.

A fellow buys a horse from an old preacher. The preacher gives the guy very specific instructions on how to make the horse go and stop.

"Remember, " he creaks... "this is a religious horse. To make him go, bow your head over and whisper, 'Jesus Christ.' To make him stop, say 'Amen.' " The fellow pays, gets on the horse, leans down and whispers, "Jesus Christ." The horse obediently starts off. After they go a ways, something spooks the horse, and he breaks into a full gallop.The rider panics, forgets the magic word, and keeps hollering, "WHOA! STOP!! WHOA!!" all to no avail. Finally, he remembers, and shouts out "AMEN!" The horse skids to a halt right at the edge of a cliff. The rider heaves a big sigh of relief, wipes his brow, and exclaims, "Jesus Christ!"

9.

A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's house. She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing; the aroma of perfume filled the room.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered.

"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.

"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.

"Love dress? But you're naked!"

"My husband loves me to wear this dress," she explained.

"It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me."

The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD and laid on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her laying there so provocatively.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"This is my love dress" she whispered, sensually.

"Needs ironing," he said.

Thanks for reading, i hope you enjoyed! Please post a comment to tell me what you thought, and participate in the poll below!